Perfectly Imperfect Everyday Parents

I will be the first to admit that I am a Perfectly Imperfect Everyday Parent. I have made plenty of parenting “whoops!” but I have learned from every single experience.

Before I had children I had a running mental list will never happens and things I wanted to avoid as a parent. You know, things like losing a child, the massive temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, food wars in the kitchen and dirty diaper artwork, etc. I quickly learned to stop making my “never lists” because every time I added to it, it would eventually happen. lol

So I realized my best plan of action when I saw an experience I wanted to avoid in the future with my own kiddos, I watched the parent and learned how they dealt with it. Then I added that info to my parenting bank to use (or improve on) for when it would happen to me. I also quickly learned that judging their parenting skills waisted time, but assisting if possible or giving a reassuring smile or hug went miles for both me and the one (sometimes a complete stranger) who reached out to me.

On The News: Mom Forgot Her Baby in Shopping Cart

This past week I had the opportunity to witness a news story in our home state go viral on social media of a mom who left her baby at the grocery store. STOP! Before you come to any conclusions from that statement about the mom you need to watch the full interview. Many of the news networks shortened the interview and helped spread a wildfire of hate towards this mom when the interview was first released. I first saw the story before the news reported that the parent had been found. I too was about to cast judgement but waited to see what really happened. The baby was luckily found within minutes of the mom accidentally forgetting to load it into the car and was not hurt in any way.

A few days later the full interview came out and when I watched this mom walk the interviewer through the whole process about why she was at the store and how she was putting the kids in the car, my heart started racing with panic. I was right there with her and could totally see how it easily happened. The thought, “that could have been me,” even crossed my mind. Watch the interview and you will see what I mean…

From the very first news story even through the weekend as the story got more and more popular, there were an overwhelming number of horribly negative comments about this mom and her character all over social media. Things like… she is unfit, she should have all her children taken away, how she should be drug tested, talk of parents like this should not be allowed to even have children, even a mention of shooting her and so many more horrible things. Can you imagine if tons of strangers were publicly criticizing you as a parent and your mistakes? It made me sick to read all those negative comments.

Every Mother on earth has moments she would never want broadcasted or judged. We all make mistakes and we all need to be supportive of each other. If you see a mother struggling with a screaming baby or an unruly toddler, remember how YOU would want to be treated. ~ Heather Gatz

But something amazing happened as a result of this backlash…a group was created called #IStandWithCherish to help create positivity, share everyday imperfect parenting stories and overpower the Facebook negativity trolls stalking this news story as it grew across social media with kindnes. The unity and power of all these parents supporting one another has not only been inspiring but uplifting. In just a few days this group has grown to 20K followers and the stories being shared and the positive comments added to social media were not overlooked by the national news networks as they picked up the story. They even started reporting a more positive and supportive outlook Monday morning, yesterday, than the original news stories a week earlier. It’s been awesome to watch the power of kindness and all these courageous parents to join together!

Watching the group come together reminded me a lot about this commercial. We really do all need each other….

I Am So Grateful For…

I am so grateful for all the many examples I have around me of amazing parents, who are all perfectly imperfect everyday parents. They will reach out and support each other in times of need, sometimes with a “I’ve been there,” sometimes with a meal or treat and other times just accepting my kiddos for who they are.

Recently at church, my family was sitting in the 2nd row from the front and my 9 year old decided he wanted to go bear his testimony. He had done it before and kept it to two sentences, so I was not too worried. I should have been! He got up and started telling everyone how he was grateful for his family and then he got an itch to be funny and derailed from his original plan…he told everyone how all summer all his family does is fight, how his dad yells at them (with interpretation of a growl), how his mom is always on the computer, how his sister and him fight, how the youngest attacks everyone and every night he goes to bed thinking it will be better the next day and it doesn’t get better. The congregation was full of laughter and I did not dare turn around. Just as we were about to go up and help him find his seat, he finished and sat down next to me where he said, “I didn’t know what else to say but they kept laughing so I said more.” {insert shoulder shrug} Oh boy!

Let me clarify…the whole summer was not like that! Some of it did happen, but not everyday, not the whole summer and everything was exaggerated. There were a few times I was on the computer when he wanted to be on, so to him that is all the time. I spent most of the summer couch ridden in the family room with first trimester nausea. Little sister loved getting her siblings attention any way possible. Dad worked a ton this summer and when he was home he only yelled when the kids were REALLY not paying attention. I probably yelled more than he did! lol I really wanted to get up and clarify to everyone, but I did not even know where to begin. I was filled with mom guilt that my son would even view us/me that way and now everyone else knew it too.

I was afraid as the meeting ended to have to walk the halls of shame to my primary class but what we got instead were a rush of hugs, understanding and so many other parenting funny moments and imperfect parenting stories shared with us from people I admired. My favorite comment “Why do you think I don’t let me son go up there?!”

Those parents and friends in my congregation lifted this mama’s soul and made it so much easier to laugh about the whole situation. I make mistakes, they make mistakes and sometimes our kids share our mistakes for us, but they are fantastic parents and they help perfect me.

Next Time You Are Out…

So next time you are out and you see a parent having a rough time or you see a story on Facebook and you want to throw your judgement out there. STOP! They do not need it,and you do not need it. Instead, help out if you can with a positive action or comment or if you can’t, draw as little attention to them as possible. We never know the whole story and I am sure if we knew, we would have wished we were kinder.

To wrap this up, I am creating a list below of other “Mom Blogs” who are sharing their perfectly imperfect everyday parent stories. There is power in knowing you are not alone! Go check them out and join this facebook group to find more awesome stories. And I want to leave you with this fun clip… I love this toast from RunAway Bride about making judgements…